Female Alopecia: Let's Talk About It

Today I woke up wanting to make a slightly more personal, more intimate video talking about the subject of female alopecia.

Why is female alopecia talked about so little?

If you search even on YouTube you will see that there are few channels talking about this subject, especially from a personal point of view, from a woman in the first
person telling her experience.

And it is quite difficult to talk about this subject in a society in which female alopecia is a bit of a taboo; this year there was a bit more echo on the subject with Jada Smith, Will Smith's wife.

But in general you will see few women who suffer from alopecia and want to show it or are allowed to show it in public, whereas if you watch television programs or series you will see men who are bald and are portrayed in the most natural way.

Perhaps because it is thought to be more common in men than in women. However, depending on the studies you look at, over a woman's lifetime 20, 30 or even 40 percent of women will suffer some type of female alopecia in their life.

It is interesting that almost half of us suffer temporary or indefinite alopecia and yet it is not normalized or accepted and we are not allowed to show it in public.

That contributes to us suffering a social stigma and to us ourselves not wanting to show it in public and doing everything possible to hide it.

If you are in that situation, you are not alone. Almost half of women have suffered it at some point in their lives even if they haven't told anyone.

I speak from my experience

I speak from my personal experience but also from that of many women I have been talking to in recent months.

I have been offering free consultations for about 2 years to women who suffer from alopecia and helping them see whether an alternative hair piece would be right for them, which one, what type, what size; sometimes it is not the right thing and perhaps they need another type of remedy.

So I have talked to many women and I have realized how serious that situation is for many of them; it can even cause depression or social anxiety.

So you are not alone, and there are many women going through this. Maybe if you look for a community on YouTube or on Instagram or on Tiktok you can feel understood because there are many women going through the same thing. It's not that misery loves company, but being able to hear from other women the same thing that is happening to you gives a feeling of understanding, of feeling understood. And that helps quite a lot on an emotional level.

For many women it is such a taboo that sometimes we don't feel able or don't dare to talk about it.

My alopecia and doctors

I never went to the doctor asking for a solution to my alopecia. I don't know if I thought there was no solution or that it wasn't the place to go. More than 10 years ago my doctor recommended that I get my thyroid checked; she left and I didn't say anything to her, I also felt a little ashamed that she had noticed
that I had no hair. But well, at least she recommended that I have thyroid tests done, although nothing came up.

A couple of years ago I went to another doctor to consult because I was scared, having my scalp exposed to the sun for so long; I was worried about being able to develop some type of skin cancer and the only thing she told me was to wear a hat, that is, the matter is not treated.

In a way it is not a personal health problem, but neither
is it talked about at a medical level. That is why many women go to private consultations and this is quite expensive. There are women who go to private clinics and the consultation costs 100 or 200 euros, to which you have to add the medical treatment, the travel, etcetera. That is, every time they visit the doctor they could buy a hair prosthesis.

The emotional toll

On the other hand it is also an emotional toll because you are investing. Investing in that treatment but you don't see results; it can even give you the feeling that the clinic is trying to take advantage of you, intentionally or not, because it is something about which there is not much clarity or information.

They can promise you it will be fixed but they can't guarantee you anything. I
always say if there is any clinic that guarantees me 100% that it will reverse my female alopecia, I'll sign right now, but I'll pay it when I recover my hair, not at the beginning.

Because they can promise whatever they want but afterwards they can say: "Ah no, you fall into that percentage of women" or "Ah, you are one of those who can't be helped"...

So it is an emotional toll because you are investing and you are not seeing results. On the other hand, most of their treatments do not cure or reverse the problem; all they do is slow it down. So well, they extend a
little the period in which you are going to be experiencing hair loss so that it is not so sudden, but they don't really cure it.

Many of those treatments also have side effects and are not recommended for all women; some women have to stop them during pregnancy and breastfeeding. So it is also something you have to think about.

The feeling of guilt

There is a feeling of guilt around the subject of female alopecia. On the one hand because we are led to believe that it is our fault, that we haven't tried hard enough, so every time they recommend something new to you, you try it; if someone tells you there is a shampoo that is working or that there is an ancient remedy where you boil this or that, you try it too.

Because you don't want it to be because of you, you don't want them to say that you haven't tried
when really most of these things don't work for alopecia, at least not androgenetic.

So you try to do your part because many times you feel guilty thinking that you don't take care of yourself, that you are not doing everything possible to recover your hair. Most of these recommendations come from affection. So I don't get offended either when someone recommends something to me, unless it is a miracle remedy from a pyramid company, but in general I know that people do it with good intentions.

For a long time I too was trying every kind of oil on the market and every remedy they recommended to me; I stopped a while ago. Because I knew that no, it had no solution, so I stopped trying.

The harm of minimizing: "It's not that serious"

Another feeling of guilt from another angle of the type "it's not that serious", "I don't know why you get like this" or "after all it's just hair" or "you're not that bad off anyway"... this is a quite normal feeling.

When I do the consultations, many of us women do a video call and I look at them and say, but they aren't that bad, or they aren't as bad as me, but I'm not going to say that, no, because it's like minimizing your problem. I want to encourage them but well, I refrain from making that comment because what is important to you is important, period. It doesn't matter that it is "just hair". I have also been through that; there are times when I style my hair and it doesn't look that big either and I think: "Well, I'm not that bad off either".

But yes, I really have very little hair. It is the reality. So for many women, if someone makes them that comment, of course if you compare it with other things they are not serious. Maybe you are not on your deathbed, or you don't have cancer or you don't have a debilitating illness. It is "just hair" but it is important to you.

I have never gone through a problem; alopecia has not caused me an emotional problem, perhaps because I never gave too much importance to physical appearance. So it didn't matter that much to me either. But we have to recognize, we have to be realistic. Not all of us have the same sense of aesthetics or beauty. We know what is pretty and what isn't, sometimes imposed by society.

Let's accept reality: Society imposes its beauty standard

We live in this society. So you understand that a woman with hair looks better. That a woman who is a little taller looks more slender. So the one who is shorter wears heels; it is something we have totally accepted.

So although for me it was not a big emotional problem, it was causing me a certain limitation of not wanting to appear in photos or of feeling embarrassed if someone was looking at my scalp.

So what is important to you is important; there is no need to minimize it, no need to compare it with an illness; it is important, period. When you reach that point of understanding that you have this problem that has no solution, the moment comes to accept it. You talk to other people, you listen to different experiences and now you can look for a solution.

It is not a cure, so apart from that you can wear a wig, or a topper, or you can simply leave it just as it is.

Accepting reality

I think that when you reach acceptance you also feel freer, especially if you talk about it with other people around you, because in the end you realize that people don't care that much. When you realize that they don't care that much, you also stop caring so much.

About 20 years ago I was working in an office and I had a coworker who was quite young but had a lot of gray hair. So she dyed it, but since she had black hair her roots showed right away. One day we are chatting and I looked at her, my eyes went to the roots of her hair and she said to me: "Wow, girl, you're looking at my gray hairs". I felt awful, but that was how it was, and I didn't do it intentionally, my eyes simply went there. I didn't think anything there either. I didn't think: "Oh, what a lot of gray hair, how ugly". I didn't think anything, simply.

So now when someone looks at my topper or when someone looks at our scalp I don't give it so much importance; I understand that it is normal for your eyes to go towards an abnormality but that there is no intention behind it. When you stop seeing that intention behind it, and even if it is a bit silly, you try to see the goodness in the other person, you feel better.

How alopecia limits life

I understand that for many women the subject of alopecia can limit them at work, for example when they are looking for a job because appearance is
important.

Also on a social or romantic level; in my case I can't help much with that because I have been happily married for almost 18 years and I haven't had to go through that problem. But I know there is a problem because of that situation. I know there are women who wonder at what moment to tell their partner or how to communicate it if they have decided to wear a wig. Do I tell him it's a wig, that it's not my hair? All this can cause some questions about what to do. It creates certain doubts.

The importance of looking for a support group

I recommend going to look for some groups of women who have the same problem, the same diagnosis, and being able to share it to get some ideas and feel better.

Sometimes by reading other comments, seeing other women, you reach conclusions you wouldn't have reached by yourself.

From visibility will come normalization

Right now I think that the more women make this situation visible, and show their alopecia, the more it will become normalized.

It has been a while since women decided to wear heels to look taller and nobody says anything to them. And if you wear flat shoes, nobody says anything. If you want to wear eyelash extensions, great. If you wear hair extensions, nobody says anything. If you get permanent makeup, nobody says anything either.

So a moment will come when this becomes much more normalized and when a woman puts on a wig or topper, without it being the age at which we used to think wigs were only for old ladies, it will be normalized and nobody will say anything. And you will feel much better.

Perhaps we live in that period in which it has to be normalized, but the more of us talk about this subject, the easier it will be.

For me the topper was my solution and my liberation

I really find it so comfortable that I think many women who right now wear hair extensions will end up wearing hair prostheses or alternative hair because it is much more comfortable. Because you put it on and you take it off.

Also understanding that, for example in my case, this is the best I have found, but that when I get home I have to take off the topper and this is what I have.

The acceptance phase of my alopecia

The last thing I wanted to say is that this whole process of accepting alopecia is something you have to do yourself. The solution you want to arrive at, the remedy you want to use, you also have to arrive at yourself.

I have not managed to cure my alopecia and this is my hair and this is what I see every day when I get up.

So if you don't accept it, it will be very difficult to look for a solution
or an alternative.

Now I decide, not my alopecia

I also want to say that when I started wearing a topper I felt almost more comfortable than ever with my hair. Because now I have an option, I can choose whether I want to wear it or not. But before, no. Now I can choose. So now for certain activities I go without a topper and I do great.

In conclusion, we need to do personal work on accepting alopecia. Let's try to normalize it and talk about it with other people. Look for a community that serves as support so you feel understood and if you need anything else you can also leave a comment so we can see how it has affected you and at what level it is affecting you and share it with other women.

A hug and lots of encouragement!

Ciao